6 Ways To Support Someone With Major Depression

Major depression can be an isolating, painful, and bewildering illness to live with. Often, people will withdraw even from those closest to them due to shame, fear of being a burden, or simply because they have lost their impulse to socialize. “When we’re clinically depressed, there’s a very strong urge to pull away from others and to shut down,” says Stephen Ilardi, Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Kansas. “It turns out to be the exact opposite of what we need.” Indeed, self-isolating can be profoundly damaging; social contact is a vital part of maintaining healthy emotional function and a significant predictor of your loved one’s overall wellness.

One of the most important things you can do to encourage social contact is to make yourself a safe space where your loved one can freely express themselves and talk through their feelings without judgment. In some cases, simply verbalizing what is going on inside them can be profoundly liberating. “Speaking out about what I was experiencing became the most powerful and empowering thing I have ever done,” says Nichole Hallberg, who initially kept her depression hidden from friends and family. “I am free. Free from the guilt, from the shame, from the powerlessness that comes with having a secret. Hiding it only made my life worse.” Nichole’s transformation, however, didn’t only happen because she started speaking—it happened because people listened to her without shaming, blaming, or rejecting her.

Listening, however, doesn’t just benefit your loved one. Rather, it is vital for you to understand what they experiencing in order to provide effective interventions, whether it’s being their cheerleader through a difficult phase or contacting emergency workers if they are suicidal. Be sure to not just make them feel heard, but to truly hear them so you can stay responsive.