How To Help Someone With Depression 12 Ways To Support A Loved One

This World Mental Health Day, you might be thinking about your own mental health – or perhaps your thoughts go to a loved one who is suffering. Depression affects 1 in 6 adults in the UK, and for those with a friend or family member who is experiencing it, it can feel overwhelming and helpless at times.

But there are ways you can help. We’ve gathered advice from mental health experts, and those that have experienced it themselves, to give their best advice on how to help someone with depression. This World Mental Health Day, let’s work on showing up for our loved ones in the best way we can.

Time to talk
It takes a lot for someone to say “I need help”, but it doesn’t hurt to raise the subject yourself. Stephen Buckley, Head of Information at mental health charity Mind, says: “Sometimes you don’t have to explicitly talk about mental health to find out how they are doing – it can be as simple as texting them to let them know you’re thinking of them, inviting them out for coffee or dinner or going for a walk.”

The one question we can ALL ask
Mental health campaigner Natasha Devon previously told GLAMOUR: “Because of previous stigma, it’s little wonder that many of us just don’t know what the protocol is if we suspect, or know, someone close to us who’s having difficulties with their mental health. The one thing we can ALL do though? Ask how they’re feeling. Then listen to what they have to say, without judgment. It really is that simple.

“They might not open up straight away, but try not to take it personally. Sometimes what we’re feeling is so alien that we simply don’t have the words to explain. It’s OK to sit with someone in silence, or talk about something else. Just let them know you’re there, check in with them regularly – and instead of just asking a question that has a yes or no answer (‘Are you OK?’), try: ‘If you had to rate how well you are feeling on a scale of 1 to 7, what would you choose?’ – and go from there.”

Choose words of comfort, not direction
“For me, the symptoms of an anxiety disorder are sometimes as physical and as tangible as any other illness or injury I’ve experienced,” says Natasha. “So when people say, ‘try and put it to the back of your mind’, ‘calm down’ or ‘just breathe,’ – even if they have kind intentions – it’s about as helpful as telling someone with a broken leg to ‘just walk.’ What would help instead? Less instructional comments, and more words designed to comfort. For example: ‘I’m here’, ‘I think you’re having a panic attack but I’ll stay with you until it’s over,’ or ‘give me a nod if you want me to call a doctor.’”

If making suggestions, make them gentle and do-able
GLAMOUR’s mental health columnist, writer Beth McColl, gave some honest and relatable advice in a recent column. “When dealing with a loved one [experiencing depression], it’s probably best to assume they already know most of what you’re going to suggest they do to feel better. We’ve dragged ourselves on mental health walks, carefully selected new vitamin regimes from Holland and Barrett, tweaked our diets, journaled, read the books and listened to the podcasts,” she says. “It’s not that suggestions aren’t ever welcome, it’s just that waiting for your cue is key. Instead of giving us more to do, try to keep us accountable and on top of the strategies we’re trying already. Coaxing us out of the house for our walk or just gently asking if we’ve taken our medication or checked in with the doctor can be a huge help without feeling overbearing,” she wrote.

Support them to seek advice
“If you think someone you know might be experiencing symptoms of a mental health problem, you should advise them to visit their GP,” says Stephen. “You could offer to go with them too, like you would if someone had a physical problem. Opening up to a health professional can be daunting, so Mind has developed a free guide to help prepare for the appointment, it includes advice on talking to your GP or practice nurse for the first time, perhaps you could go through this guide together. It is available here.”

Do your research
“Whilst there’s been significant progress in raising awareness of mental illness over the past few years in particular, I’ve found that because having a disorder isn’t something that can be ‘seen,’ some people still tend to think of it as not being as real as other conditions,” says Natasha. “When I developed bulimia as a coping mechanism for my anxiety as a teenager, I remember wishing my arm was in a sling, just so people would acknowledge that I wasn’t OK. If you know someone who’s suffering from a mental health issue, spend time researching their condition so you can get to grips with it as much as possible.”

Don’t disappear
“When I went into therapy and recovery in my mid-20s, my friends and even some of my family stayed away,” says Natasha. “There were no flowers or bunches of grapes, no cards wishing me well or anything resembling the typical support we provide to people who are physically poorly. At the time, I felt my illness must be embarrassing for them, although in retrospect they probably just didn’t know what to say.

“Now, if one of my friends tells me they are struggling with feelings of depression, I ask myself what my reaction would be if they had the flu. I text to say I’m thinking of them and that I hope they feel better soon. I ask them if they have been to the doctor, and if so what advice they were offered. I offer to come over with a film, treats and magazines if they want me to. Perhaps most importantly though, I remind them that whilst they feel terrible now, at some point they will come up for air.”

Get outside
“Depression can trick us into feeling like our depressed state is our true state, and that, instead of being temporary, we’re actually seeing the world clearly after months of self-delusion. Contentment, joy and peace can feel distant and imagined,” writes Beth.