I Love You No Matter What

Peter knew he was a boy from a young age. When he told his aunt and uncle, they told him it was just a phase and once he grew up he would be ‘normal as May used to say’. Peter knew they were wrong, he was a boy and not a girl no matter what they said. Any time Peter would tell his aunt and uncle he wasn’t a girl they would tell him he needed to grow up- they said he needed to get over ‘this ridiculous phase’.

Peter knew he was a boy, but knew he couldn’t be one so he learnt how to repress how he felt and hide who he really was even from himself. It was hard to ignore who he was but he felt he had no choice, being who he was felt like an impossibility especially as May wouldn’t accept him and she was his only family after his parents and uncle had died.

When Peter was fifteen he stopped ignoring himself, he was a boy- not a girl- he no longer wanted to live a lie. What was the point it living the rest of his life as someone he wasn’t to try and be who other people wanted him to be? Peter chose his name, Peter Benjamin Parker- he had always liked the name Peter and he chose Benjamin after his uncle. Peter wasn’t really out to anyone yet- he was only out to Ned and MJ who supported him so much, he couldn’t ask for better friends. He hadn’t told May or Tony yet because he knows that May will hate him, but he has no clue how Tony will react.

It was getting too hard to deny who he was, he hated how he felt, how he was living. He couldn’t bare the person he was, how he felt and how he looked. He decided on day to get his hair cut short, to look how he wanted- May told him how much she hated it because it made him look like a boy- May meant it to be insulting but it made Peter feel great about his new haircut because the reason behind it was to make him look like a boy. Over-sized hoodies and t-shirts became his best friend (sorry Ned and MJ), he wore them constantly because he couldn’t afford to get a binder. There were some days he couldn’t even look at himself in a mirror because he hated what he saw. So Peter, finally allowed himself to be who he wanted to be because he was making himself miserable to try and please those around him, he couldn’t do it anymore.

Peter decided he wanted to tell Tony he was trans. He decided to do it one Friday when he went to the Stark Tower to help Tony out in the lab, or just watch movies- which ever they felt like doing. To say he was nervous was an understatement. Ned tried to reassure him all day, telling him that he’s sure Tony will love him no matter what because he was practically Peter’s dad- something which Peter denied heavily. On the way to the Tower he was unusually quiet which made Happy think that there was something wrong with Peter as he usually rambled for the entire ride to the Tower.

“Hey kid.” Tony said as Peter walked into the lab.

“H-hey Mr Stark.” Peter said, stuttering slightly.

“Kid, how many times do I have to tell you, it’s Tony- Mr Stark makes me think of my dad and I don’t want that.” Tony said jokingly. The two worked relatively silently, which was unusual as Peter normally spoke constantly about what had happened that week, both at school and whilst being Spider-Man as well as new ideas for projects, and upgrades for his suit. After a while Tony put his tools down.

“Kid, is something bothering you?” He asked, concern lacing his voice.

“I- I have something to tell you.” Stammered Peter. His hands were shaking slightly which he tried to hide from Tony. Peter took a deep breath to try and calm his anxiety.

” I’m transgender.” Peter rushed out. As soon as the words left his mouth he felt slightly relieved that he’d had the strength to tell Tony. “For the longest time I didn’t listen to myself, I didn’t allow myself to be open with myself because I was scared. I was scared of how I would change and what that would mean to the people around me and what they would think. It didn’t take me long figure out who I was, all I had to do was listen; listen to myself instead of repressing and pushing everything down, like I do with everything. I now know who I am and I am proud to be me. Yes I may be different, I may not be who people think I am or want me to be, but I don’t care. I am me, and I’m not ashamed and I will not apologise for being who I am, if people can’t accept that then it is their loss- not mine. If they want me and love me for who they think I am, for who I was, then they do not deserve to have me. For years there were signs, I look back now and wonder how I managed to pretend for so long, but I guess I chose to ignore, I chose what I thought was easier and better for everyone- but not anymore. I finally get to be me, I’ve allowed myself to be me after so many years of denial and not allowing myself to be open to even myself. I’m don’t want to be afraid anymore. I finally know who I am, and I am proud of who that person is. So yeah, I’m trans, that’s the truth. I’m not female, sorry if that disappoints or is not what you wanted to hear or who you wanted me to be, but it’s who I am and won’t change no matter what. I am a trans man and my name is Peter Benjamin Parker.” Peter explained, letting out a sigh of relief once he had finished speaking. He almost couldn’t believe what he had just said. He daren’t look up at Tony.

Tony was silent for a few seconds after Peter spoke, what felt like the longest few seconds in history. His mind raced thinking he’d said the wrong thing and that Tony would hate him.

“Peter, you could never disappoint me. I will love and support you no matter what. You’re my kid, my son. I want you to be happy and live how you want to live. You, Peter Parker, are amazing.” Tony said. Peter’s heart soared as he heard what Tony said. He began to cry, he was so happy with what he had just heard. This was a better reaction that he ever could have imagined. Tony closed the gap between him and Peter and pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you so much dad. I love you.” Peter said, crying softly into Tony’s chest- he was so happy.

“I love you too Pete.” Responded Tony, a fond, proud smile on his face.

“Why don’t we go sit in the living room?” Tony asked as they pulled out of their hug. Peter nodded wiping his eyes with his sleeve. They made their way to the living room and sat down on the large sofa.

“If there is anything I can do for you kid, just tell me. I want to do everything I can to make sure you’re happy.” Offered Tony caringly. He would do anything to make sure Peter was happy and comfortable.

“Well I need a binder, I haven’t come out to May yet so it’s hard to buy one and I can’t afford one. Also I want to start on testosterone but I can’t because of the Spider bite, it wouldn’t work.” Peter said, the last bit rather dejectedly.

“Leave it with me Pete. I’m sure I can come up with something. And I can get you a binder. You can always come to me if you’re struggling with money- I am a billionaire.” Peter couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have Tony, not only did he accept him, but he was doing everything he could to make sure Peter could transition.

“Thank you Tony, for everything. I- I can’t begin to tell you how much of a relief it is having told you.” Peter said, he was almost speechless over Tony’s kindness and generosity. Ned was right, Tony would always be there for Peter.

“What about May, are you going to tell her?” Asked Tony .

“I haven’t told her because as a kid I told her I was a boy and she kept saying it was a phase. For years I repressed who I was because I was scared of what people would think, I guess that came from then.” Peter admitted sadly.

“But I am going to tell her.” Peter said, his voice filled with determination, he was no longer going to hide who he was from anyone.

“I can be there if you want, whenever you’re ready to tell May I’ll be there for you. And I’ll always be here for you no matter what she says.” Tony said reassuringly.

Peter felt better, knowing that no matter what happened he would have the support of Tony, as well as the support of his friends. He couldn’t be more grateful to Tony and everything he’s going to do to support him. He couldn’t ask for a better, more supportive dad.